October 14, 2007

Yesterday was Anna's funeral. I don't know really what to write. I had a very hard time getting out of the car at the cemetery and had a good cry. It was a nice service. Very simple and just how we wanted. Adrian dedicated Anna's grave, Dad Cozza said some very special things, Grandma Holben read a poem that she wrote, and I sat there listening to it all and not knowing exactly how I felt. I was so sad yet felt so much peace. I cried a little but mostly I felt like this isn't the end.

Her resting box was beautiful and handmade by Uncle Forrest. Adrian's siblings gave us the floral arrangement to place on top. We took many pictures and I took 2 roses home to dry and save in Anna's memory box.

This is so bittersweet. I am glad that we can begin to move on but I am so sad that it's at the expense of our daughter. I guess I hoped that I would be okay once everything was behind us but I guess it doesn't work that way. We will heal and we will get better I just need to remember that it will take time, and that it's okay to grieve.

One scripture that has touched me lately is 3 Nephi 10:9-10. This is when the Savior died and was getting ready to appear to the Nephites. There had been so much destruction and death. Verse 10 states:

"And the earth did cleave together again, that it stood; and the mourning, and the weeping, and the wailing of the people who were spared alive did cease; and their mourning was turned into joy, and their lamentations into the praise and thanksgiving unto the Lord, Jesus Christ, their Redeemer."

I want my mourning turned into joy and praise for my Redeemer. I want to be able to thank Him for trusting me with this precious baby and for being able to grow through this experience.